It was eye-openning

Heba, Contemplating from Gaza, 22.11.07. I was part of a video conference meeting through which a group of women from Gaza met a group of women from the West Bank. Both groups talked about their daily problems and work challenges. And it just hit us, as Gazan women, that we are completely in the dark when it comes to West Bankers. They have to wait hours on checkpoints to go to schools or to go to hospitals and we thought that it is only us in Gaza who suffer. The problems get maximized when they live in a city and have to work in another passing several checkpoints a day to get to work and get back home. Added to that; all the economic problems, that might be less severe than Gaza, but are still visible and in need for structured intervention.

Isn’t this bizarre and to a certain extent appalling that we are so self-consumed in Gaza problems, which are now numberless, that we dismissed the idea that the West Bankers have problems of their own. Thinking about isolation and seclusion, permits, different weights of factional power, different borders, and absolutely different governments, it makes it pretty expected to grow apart. I think we are united at heart though and doesn’t that count? Does unity have to be associated with freedom of movement (pardon my apparently semi sarcastic semi confused discourse). We, as Palestinians, have the same plight, went through the same journey, know the same songs and surly have the same dreams still. Yet, I hope that this division will not yield in having two end goals. I would like to take my girls there, you know, and tell them all about their country. My daughter thinks her country’s name is Gaza!!!

Our participants from Gaza talked about their struggle to cope with a falling environment. I listened to the whole thing thinking that God blessed us with this ability to share our negative experiences to know that we are not alone in this world. This strength of women and this magnificent ability to keep trying to fix things up and change their reality for the better is so admirable. A woman said “I want to get literate and attend literacy classes to be able to read my son detainee’s letters from jail “. How amazing is that!

Happy Eid to all ...

Heba, Contemplating from Gaza, 09.10.07. It’s the Eid coming- so happy eid al fiter to all Muslims. I have been doing some shopping lately for the eid, it seems many have as the shops were crowded with little diversity of goods because of the closure. This helped many local sewing factories (the ones that had basic production material) to market their goods which is at least good for them. Big famous shops for children’s clothes were almost empty. However, people managed to shop for the eid anyways- and I managed to buy my daughters two beautiful dresses ( the same dress exactly to avoid conflict).

During Ramadan and now that the eid is coming, Gaza is so crowded, restaurants, shops, banks as many of the laborers got emergent cash assistance form the government in Ramallah. Everybody acts as if all is normal. When one gets engaged in the least complicated official procedure that involves contact with the government, the deep problems surface. I have been working on a couple of project documents the last couple of weeks and was saddened by all the limitations and obstacles the execution confronts because of the inexistence of construction material and the difficulty in liaison with the government. If we contact the one in West Bank, the decisions are difficult to put in action since not approved by Gaza government. If vice versa, it is considered illegal and illegitimate. All the formal channels are blocked. I know that there is no cohesion in my sentences. It almost feels like babbling but I think my mind is chaotic. So till logical and organized in thoughts and expression, write you after the eid.

Hooray, the youth of Gaza !

Heba, Contemplating from Gaza, 25/09/07. It’s Ramadan and it’s the month of spirituality and peace, so though belated; happy Ramdan to all. I have been busy at work visiting different groups and hearing more stories, feeling disappointed and worn out at times and laughing full- heartedly at other times. What amazes me and makes me bow in respect about Gaza people is that they never give up. They never stop complaining yet they strive to live. It’s Ramdan and you see them shopping with limited budgets or just roaming the streets before Iftar (the main meal at sunset). I get on a taxi or go to a shop and just hear people saying; what can we do when they cut electricity or there is no yogurt in the market. They say it with a spirit of “I will survive no matter what “. This is worthy of admiration.

I went to a workshop of a group of youth (males and females) who are our target group for a project on civic education. The project was designed before the Gaza events and the drastic changes that took place. So a major component of it was attending the legislative council (PLC) meetings to make sure that youth needs are addressed and of course the PLC is no longer working because most of the Fatteh members would not attend conducted sessions. We discussed alternatives for this project component. Whilst my mind was blank looking at them in grave silence, they actively -red-faced, strong toned, and mostly optimistic- started suggesting things; meeting parliament groups, watching previous televised PLC sessions, lobbying the current government, assessing youth needs and they went on and one. Each suggestion astonished me. It seems active thinking in itself astonished me. I was really impressed that I can meet young people who are that enthusiastic and yearning to make a difference. Then here came my little speech and as always, I find discomfort in this role of “knowing better, giving promises, or showing any type of superiority at all.” This time, however, I chose the be very sincere. I said to them” I am proud of you. I think a long time has passed since I felt like you or thought like you. Am not that old though -they laughed. I think your beautiful age and the beautiful mind that comes with it is a blessing in Gaza. The idea that you think of alternatives and think that you can implement what you plan is in itself impressive. I am ashamed to stand here and see that all of what you previously thought about was altered because your PLC does not work anymore. Yet, the fact that you say it is a setback- lets move on within such a stagnant totally paralyzed political and economic context is for me inspiring “. Hooray, the youth of Gaza. With you, there will be always hope.

Feet on the ground..

Heba from Gaza, 10/09/07. Have you experienced going to a meeting totally ignorant of what’s going to be said or done?. It is interesting when this happens, really. I went to this workshop on assessing the needs for the agricultural sector in Gaza in 2008. I sat there listening in wonderment to words such as, seeds, crops, vaccines etc. The strange thing is that this workshop was originally dedicated to assess the agricultural needs in Gaza to help the donors plan intervention projects. Instead of setting the priorities, the workshop turned to a lengthy discussion of all the obstacles that confront this sector; most importantly, the siege and continuous closures. No fertilizers, no vaccines for animals, no seeds, no seedling, no raw material, no imports and absolutely no exports, no cages, no nothing!! A whole sector that depends on imports and exports is totally crippled by the siege with an unstable market and limited purchasing power. So the farmers plant strawberry, for instance, to export it and they can’t so they sell it in the market for less than the production cost, which results in dumping the market with fruits and vegetables (my marketing classes are paying off …I know).

I remained silent all the time listening to all types of impediments then I raised my hand to talk and had the nerve to say “well, we should include all these obstacles as part of our risk analysis, project scenarios and assumptions and we should plan according to our development vision for the sector; otherwise, our planning would be limited because it merely answers problems that might be temporary “!!! I of all people with all that I see of limitations and boundaries had to say that. How stupid and ideal that sounds. They looked at me, did not comment and continued the discussion. So, if we do not have resources to implement agricultural projects, we will start giving emergent support to farmers and here we go again with relief aid. What’s wrong with relief anyways? It is safer to act with our feet on the ground, I believe. I will try to remember this in the future.

Now.. what ! Back to the electricity problem!

Heba from Gaza, 19/07/07. Back to the electricity problem! A year ago almost in October we had the major electricity power plant in Gaza shelled by F16. Then we suffered living with scheduled electricity for about 4 months. We used to have it for 8 hrs and then not have it for another 8 hrs. Our life was on hold. Bathing the kid, house chores, university assignments, exams studying, watching any TV at all and all other things that you can imagine were scheduled. I used to feel bitter and sad about the lack of electricity. I did not even have the “power” to feel angry. Of course this electricity problem started immediately before Ramdan , the month in which we fast all day and then have our meal by sunset . So we used to eat at the light of candles, how romantic!!. A year later and almost before Ramdan (what a coincidence), the problem arises again because the European Union will not fund the fuel for the major and only Gaza power plant. Mr. Abbas government says that it is the fault of Hamas and the EU says it’s temporary. This time it is not even scheduled as last year. Yesterday we had it for only 4 hrs in the 24 hrs, when I was at work. So again, collective punishment is imposed on Gazans because of political agendas. People are paying the price. My husband drove aimlessly in dark, gloomy, and full of smelly waste streets last night. It almost felt gothic to me. What can we say to the world and our leaders other than have mercy on us; the ill, the elderly and those, who like myself, feel that Gaza has become difficult to cope with.

What escapes are for ?!

Heba. Contemplating from Gaza. 24/07/07. I kept looking at the blank page thinking and thinking about something to write about. Every now and then I go through this infertile impotent stage in which I can‘t think of anything and this blank page is really defying and frustrating me.

Should I write about taking driving lessons? That would be the funnies thing of all as my motor skills have always been poor and this task; learning how to drive, was postponed by me for ever till my work began to get affected. Should I write about how my temper with the kids is getting bad as I yell at them for no significant reasons; insignificant reasons in this case would include my two-year- old shampooing her hair after I just gave her a bath and put her in dry clothes and would include stuffing puppets in the dryer machine and washing machine and of course coloring the carpet with my lipstick!! And the list goes on and on. I feel inclined sometimes to write about the movie Fight Club and how it affects my mood in such a difficult- to- describe manner every time I watch it. It always makes me feel overwhelmed and emotionally estranged as project mayhem has been part of our surrounding for a certain period of time. I can write about my work colleague and friend who is waiting for Rafah Crossing to open to go to UAE to get married. As she has been engaged for a long period of time and of course had everything planned for the wedding (from the dress to the guests list) and as Gazan planning always falls short, her planning is gone with the wind-sort of!. I can also write about me reading Pride and Prejudice for the 10th time and falling in love with Elizabeth strength and uniqueness of character all over again, contradicting and opposing the image of a university colleague (a masters student) who said to the professor just yesterday with clear conviction “a woman is a woman and a man is a man- why to fuss about it?”. He nodded with silent consent or he was simply not paying attention.

I think all these topics are good escapes from writing about what matters now but what escapes are for? They are always good for adaptation, conformation, and assimilation purposes!

http://contemplating-from-gaza.blogspot.com/

Walking on eggshells!

Sheba from Gaza. 17/07/07. People outside keep asking me about the situation in Gaza and I do not have an answer to this question. Honestly, I don’t. It reminds me of walking on eggshells. Either you feel you are going to slip all the time or you are going to make it to the end breaking something underneath. On the exterior level, things in Gaza look good and dandy while on the interior level there are more of interweaved dilemmas that need solutions. I perceive a solution now; one that is finite, just and effective, as more of an illusion; something you think you see or get the core of and slips right through your fingers!

A complete separation between the West Bank and Gaza is a heart ache to every Palestinian. It is every Palestinian worst nightmare. Nevertheless, it happened and it sores me just to think of it while washing the dishes or bathing my kids. The duality of governments torments, I believe, many people’s imagination and old cornerstone beliefs. And the word legitimate loses its meaning for what is legitimate for some is illegitimate for others and legitimacy itself is all meaningless to the unemployed and needy or to the strongly and prejudicially affiliated. So we are now fooling ourselves with the good legal political talk. It is more chaos inside our consciousness than “knowing-it-all”. I think Carpe Diem strategy works best now for those who have some money for it might be as I said before temporary. Should it be the next Palestinian reality to be divided with a wide difficult-to-bridge gap, we will have more regrets than we ever thought we will.

http://contemplating-from-gaza.blogspot.com/2007/07/walking-on-eggshells-people-outside.html